Looks are often deceiving. Keeping the love alive in a relationship for the long-term really does take work – no matter how much you love each other at the moment. They both want the other person to be happy. They just seem to be unable to make that person happy – or, rather, keep the other person happy.

If this is happening in your relationship you might see it in little things. It could very well be that the thing you love most about the other person also happens to be the very thing that drives you absolutely up a wall about that person. It’s some core personality trait that the other person can’t change. It just happens to manifest itself in two extremes. One of which you love. The other, you despise.

It happens more often than you realize. It’s not at all limited to your relationship. If the truth be told, this is what they’re generally talking about when they say ‘irreconcilable differences’ because it’s something that can’t be changed.

But, knowing that it’s also the thing you love about your spouse, is it something you even want to change? How different would your spouse be without that characteristic? Would you even love your spouse if things were different?

But that doesn’t change the fact that you are unhappy. Nor does it change the fact that your unhappiness in the relationship is making your spouse unhappy. So, how do you fix things when everything seems so hopeless?

Decide Whether or Not You WANT to Fix Your Relationship

This is the most important part of the process. It could be that you don’t want it to end. You don’t think it should end. You don’t want to hurt your spouse. But deep down inside, do you want to make your marriage work?

It’s one of the most complex simple question you’ll ever ask yourself but it’s one you have to be sure of before you take one single step further. If you don’t want to save the relationship there’s no reason to put yourself or your spouse through the process or to give false hope.

What percentage of the time during your relationship were you HAPPY?

Is it better than fifty percent? You should understand by now that there are no perfect relationships. All relationships go through good times and not-so-good times. It’s part of the process. If you’re happy together more often than you’re unhappy together then chances are, there’s something there worth saving.

You simply have to choose to do so.

Start by making a list of all the things you really, truly, and deeply love about your spouse. Make it an ongoing list that you can add things to daily. Start telling your spouse about the many different reasons you love him or her. Not reciting a list, but ‘you know I really love (admire, respect, appreciate, etc.) the fact that you’re so compassionate when dealing with people (or insert other characteristic or trait you love about your spouse here).’

The amazing thing is that the more of these things you point out to your spouse the more of these things your spouse is going to do in order to continue to make you happy. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that works in a good way. Some would say a positive manifestation. Don’t mention the negatives – ONLY the positives. See how much of a difference this one thing makes in your relationship.

Want even more great ways to improve the status of your marriage? Need to know how to get your ex back? There are more great tips and bits of advice in this free video. Follow the link above today and see how fast you can turn your relationship back around.